An open letter for you

In line with International Women’s Month this March and counting down the last days of my singlehood (yes, I am getting married soon), this one’s for you (and for me!)! I need to get some things off my chest and I know that some dear readers would appreciate and be enlightened by the words I am about to voice out. 

Turn up your voice

It was a fine morning jog and my routine is to listen to podcasts on Spotify. I came across this recording wherein Nadine Lustre is being interviewed. Please forgive me if I may be out of context but what struck me was she said, “Turn off the noise and turn up your voice.” It gave me that much needed push for me to finally flow my thoughts into words. I have learned this much to turn off the noise; to set boundaries, to try not to worry about what people think but sometimes. Me writing this is my avenue to turn up my voice. So here goes…

The Noise to be turned off

Before I get married, I want to voice out some words thrown at me (and my other single friend and family) and the emotions I felt after hearing them with a tone of resentment. 

“Wow, pa-kape kape lang, walang iniisip!” (Wow, you’re just going from one coffee shop to another, like you don’t have so much to do!”)

“Buti ka pa nakakapag pamper session ka diyan.” (Good for you, you can still squeeze in some time to pamper yourself!)

“Buti ka pa wala ka pang anak.” (Good for you, you don’t have kids to take care of yet!) 

These are statements that I feel so attacked. Some people can just be tactless, with no empathy at all. I get the concern sometimes but it can be just too much.  Some people focus on their pain and sacrifices that they tend to unknowingly mock people who they see are having a great time. Tell you what; it is not our fault that we can do time management or willpower to do such things that can comfort us or heal us.

Single people suffer, too

At the age of 30 years old in 2021, my father was confined twice that year due to mild stroke and H.Pylori infection and to top it off, before the year ended, my mom passed away. Bam! Goodness, I am about to cry writing this. After her death, my world just collapsed. I was merely getting by, figuring out steps to take for me to heal. I have undergone therapy and hell, it was not cheap! 

Throughout my singlehood, I have gone through painful relationships, decisions, adjustments in career and family. Sometimes I beat myself up at work. I also get sick, major back pain, gastritis that continues to pain me from time to time. 

One of the ways to cope was that I really hopped from one coffee shop or restaurant to another. I really indulged myself in some mani-pedi sesh because I knew that’s what I needed. 

Don’t tell me and other single people don’t suffer. Don’t tell me that I do not sacrifice enough in life because I did, a lot of times. I lost count. 

It annoys me how people assume so much about single women who don’t have children yet to take care of. I mean, really. To whoever reading this, may I ask, are you so ungrateful with your life? Then you keep resenting and make it seem that us single people are living the best life? 

Single people suffer, too, you know? 

Stop comparing

This is so sickening. Why do people have to compare hardships and sacrifices? Each person, whether single or not, has different levels of suffering depending on their own life circumstances. Can we leave it at that and mind your own business AND be empathetic? Life is a competition but don’t compete with others, compete with yourself instead. It’s not about who’s better or not, it’s about you, are you being better? Are your intentions with kindness or are you just being boastful that you are better than anyone?

Hear me out

To my single readers here, whether you have kids or not, or just being that alpha male and female in this life; don’t mind them. I hear you. The unsolicited noise and opinions are irrelevant. You know yourself better. You have the power to cancel out the noise and put up boundaries. Here’s what is so difficult; be the bigger person to understand why they say hurtful and envious words at you because YOU KNOW YOURSELF BETTER. Also, the noise is not worth your precious time.

People may say to you, “Tatanda ka rin, makikita mo gaano kahirap mag-asawa at anak. (You will get old and realize that it is not easy starting a family).” I know that. Single people know that but don’t invalidate the emotions and sacrifices that they experienced in life. 

Find your tribe

I have eliminated a lot of people in my life and it felt so much better. I listen to a podcast called Life in Progress by Angely Dub and she is always an inspiration to me. Your individuality is very important and you cannot be someone else just because you have to adjust to people around you. Now in my 30’s, I just know… that now, I found who I always call as “my constants.” 

Focus on you

To other people reading this who “belittle single women and men”, don’t be insensitive. Stop saying single people are so lucky and blessed because you are, too. Sometimes you just don’t see it and acknowledge it. Don’t focus on what could’ve been and would have been. 

Focus on you because you can be a better person just by shutting your mouth at the right time and right place.